Wedding Gifts + Holdiay Consumerism

I know this may sound like an awfully awkward title for a blog post...but stick with me. My friend M posted a few days ago about wanting gifts that really meant something during this holiday season - something that would useful, or meaningful. And many times, this is something personalized, or something that is an "event" that you do together. For instance, my gift to my brothers this year are shirts that I buy online. They wear shirts. Ergo, useful.

Then, yesterday I came across this posting in Apartment Therapy Los Angeles (which has a long convoluted name for a blog that is basically a home design blog all about improving your surroundings - lots of pretty pictures, lots of interesting ideas, and it's especially good to give you a sense of what is possible in any given living space). It lists some ideas for wedding gifts which the couple will be able to actually use that are particularly amenable to my age bracket...we want to give something that the couple will like, but all we can afford on the registry is napkins.

Weddings are hard - registries are almost a necessary "evil" these days, and people assume that yes, you're going to need something, or celebrating starting a life together requires the gift of a blender or these steak knives or these very specific tablecloths. I think there has got to be a better way.

My first roommate this year, Elaine, and I talked about weddings for almost two hours, and one of the things she described was the nature of gift-giving in China. According to her, it would be completely unacceptable to give one of your cousins less than $2000 for a marriage gift. And if I was very close to said cousin, the gift should be closer to $3000. If you cannot afford that kind of gift, you do not attend the wedding and reception. Period. Elaine said that some young adults her age go into debt because they can't afford to attend all of their friend's weddings.

This shocks me. I cannot understand why in the world celebrating marriage became so dependent on money and consumerism. It distresses me, I guess, that some people give more thought to the gifts they will receive rather than celebrating something so special and full of love.

And this goes for all holidays as well: if you are, for example, an uncle/aunt, the best gift you could give would be of your time. Instead of toys, give your niece/nephew an entire day, just between you and them. (bonus gift for the parents as well). I can't tell you how much more I remember and appreciate a tradition with my aunt to go downtown and look at the Dayton's holiday exhibit compared to a Target gift card.

Anyway, what follows is a list of some ideas for newlyweds (many are also applicable to your friends for other times of the year and not just wedding-exclusive). And I understand that things break down for different couples and the relationship you may have with them: - gifts are not one size fits all. You know your friends - their likes and dislikes, and what they would most appreciate. People are different, and not everyone will appreciate the same thing.


-give them the gift of flowers - give them a gift certificate for flowers in their new home.

-become "part of the wedding" --- make the cake, do the flower arrangements, play music for the ceremony, make some sort of dessert, fold napkins artfully, make name plates on the tables, etc...everyone has some sort of skill that can be utilized in the whole beginning to finish project that is a wedding.

-if they are moving to a new city and don't know anyone who lives there (but you do), give them a map of said city and do some research on restaurants, places to see a concert, etc... so they can start feeling at home in their new city.

-if they love pets but won't be able to keep a pet in their apartment, make a donation to the Humane Society in their name.

-breakfast in bed/tea tray - completely indulgent, but can be really fun. You can find these at home stores like Marshalls for a decent price, or thrift stores (these can be refinished or repainted as well, if you're crafty)

-if you are giving a gift as a couple and live nearby, give the gift of "sitting at home watching the game with the boys" and "going out shopping with the girls" - obviously, this would be tailored to the couple in question. Bring snacks and watch a movie with one, or bring ingredients to make cookies, or go out for drinks with the other, etc...make it a gift of time to spend with the other person.

-give them a tree (rainforest, taiga, park-related - there are lots of online sites to donate flora and fauna). There is also a fun family tradition to begin which involves planting a tree whenever a child is born so you can watch the child grow with the tree.

-my mother clued me in to the idea of buying decorative plates (with snowmen, santas, etc...) and some ornaments or cookie cutters as something that they can share for their first holiday season in their new home. This isn't something "essential," true...but it is something that will be used if it is there. You can also put a greeting on the bottom of the tray with permanent marker, something to the tune of "Congratulations X and X! --Your name, 2008"

-surf the site Etsy.com - it has lots of homemade and beautiful gifts that are often inexpensive. Also, you can go in together on gifts..if there is a group of you (say, for example, you were close to three other people on your high school soccer team) -- you can come up with a gift together.

-my aunt frequently makes quilts (not for the novice sewer, to be sure, but if you can -- it's a gift that will be used)

-plants (if they like plants -- given the harried nature of most weddings, you may want to just give a card and say you'd like to buy them a plant for their new home, and in their first month or so, make a date to go and pick out a plant (and have coffee or something similar - it's a good way to catch up on their lives as well)

-get together with a bunch of college and/or high school friends and put together an album (either old-school with photos or using a program from the web) of pictures from that time in their life - artsy pictures of campus, plays, dances, football games, parties, etc...you can also personalize it and have old teachers and friends put in memories about their time at school.

-one point that the article (and many of the comments) brought up is that some people actually NEED the things on the registry, and getting anything but that is wasteful and rude, basically the cardinal sin you could do at a wedding, and you end up with lots of stuff you don't want because you decided to be more "thoughtful." I'm torn on this one: I guess buying something inexpensive from the registry and then making it more your own works best in that instance: for example, you could buy a cookie sheet and oven mitts and include some of your family's favorite cookie recipes.

-a favorite board game from high school or college


gifts for parents:

-if your parents have a lot of their photos only in "picture" form, consider digitizing them for archival purposes

-same goes for a home inventory - if you're feeling brave, consider photographing and setting up a home inventory for insurance purposes - it's one of those things that everyone knows they should do, but never get around to

-offer yourself up to do whatever they ask with no complaining for a day

-bake cookies for the holiday season - all their favorites. And then put them in the back of the freezer so they have something to snack on in January

-wake up on a snowy morning and shovel the walk/driveway


gifts for siblings:

-shirt.woot.com = gold. $10 a shirt - each is offered only that day, so check back frequently. Some are odd, but they're a great deal.

-do their chores

-take them to matinee movies, and make a contest to see who can smuggle in the most food