Monday, February 28, 2011

Oscars 2011

(second annual gown review,  especially given my current search.  be aware, this is really long.  but there are a lot of pretty dresses to look at!)

When talking about the Oscars, one must begin with the hosts, although I could do without them, I think.  Giuliana Rancic talks like a moron, and Kelly Osbourne is co-hosting, adding an English accent to the mix.  As an example of the former's ridiculousness, Giuliana decided at the SAG awards to suggest baby names to Natalie Portman: Babylon, Peach, and Midnight.  Or "Oscar" if it's a boy.  Gosh, really?

(this is Giuliana---funny, her dress wins my least favorite award for the night, after I see the bottom of it, yikes)

And now---the dresses:  (thanks to NY Times for the live coverage pictures!)

Melissa Leo (The Fighter) - collar was pretty incredible, lots of mirrors embedded in the dress.  And she's just so poised.  I'm going to have to see that movie, especially given my jury-duty connection to Lowell.  (Marc Bouwer)

Cheryl Hines (I don't know you) - but why are you hunched?  I guess you're laughing?

Mila Kunis:  what a lovely lilac purple color.  The neckline of this dress is incredible, but the hips, I'm not so sure about.  I do love the drapey top, though.  (Elie Saab)

Hailee Steinfeld: just gorgeous.  And Ryan Seacrest, stop scaring her into being nervous!  She's a great kid, and you're just--ugh.  She looks so age-appropriate (14 years old!) and actually helped design her gown.  What an incredible girl.  (Marchesa)

Virginia Madsen: top is a bit too poofy for me.  And I have to say, sometimes the hip bump and the hand on hip thing does get old.  It reminds me of Super Choir back at Edgerton when Mrs. Romero would tell us to put our hands at our sides and stop wiggling.  (Romona Keveza)

Cody Horn...someone has to say it...those are hooker gloves.  Sorry, but it's true.  You can't really see it here, but her necklace is rather gorgeous.

David Steidler (original screenplay nominee, The King's Speech) - his guest's dress and hair, love.  The side sweep is maybe something I could pull off?  I'm not sure.  Someone in Boston like doing hair and feel like teaching me?  I'm all thumbs.

Armie Hammer (The Social Network): the date's dress is a little too hip sculpted for me, but I love that the bodice actually fits her correctly - no boob seepage under the armpits.  Yes, that's the most unclassy way to put it, but it's true.  She also pulled a Snooki hairstyle, which I think women should in general stay away from...

Lara Spencer:   phew, what a color!  Ballsy electric lime.  I like this cut, and the earrings are great.  Not my absolute favorite, but very pretty!

Jennifer Lawrence (best actress nominee for Winter's Bone):  Simple, but too booby, I think.  And it goes too low under the armpits.  (Calvin Klein)

Robin Roberts:  Honestly, I don't really like this color.  The drop waist isn't doing it for me, either.. 

Erin Andrews:  Wow, your hair is almost as long as mine!  (speaking of, I need a haircut, yikes.  It's been over a year).  Your bodice is also too tight, by the way. (Kaufman Franco)

Maria Menunous:  I've never quite understood the one-armed thing because my arm would just get so cold!  But this has a beautiful drape.

Daphne Zuniga:  I don't really like the hem cuts, but the cowl is very flattering.

Florence Welch (from Florence and the Machine) - a bit old for her, I think.  It looks similar to the outfit I'm putting together for a murder mystery party next week where I'm a 70 year old Egyptologist in the 1890s.   It's just a bit, old.  (Valentino)

Mandy Moore: beautiful nude/gold dress and smile - I promise she looks good when she smiles! She kind of reminds me of one of my Barbie's outfits from back in the day.  I do like the top better than I like the bottom...maybe I'd like it better if it didn't have the two-tone thing going on?  (Monique Lhuillier)

Jacki Weaver:  beautiful bodice.  And this girl loves a floaty skirt.

Russell Brand brought his mum Babs.  Adorable, holy cow.  And he's presented with Helen Mirren, which is great.

Michelle Williams (Blue Valentine):  Simple, very sophisticated.  I could never do the straight up and down dresses, my hips are just too wide!  (Chanel)

Amy Adams.  She's adorable.  And this is so elegant perhaps Jessica Rabbit-like. And this color is fantastic on her.  (L'Wren Scott)

Busy Philips: you also are wearing one of my mom's old Barbie dresses.  Aren't you uncomfortable?

Jennifer Hudson:  your boobs are falling out.  And I love the cut, I love the color, I love how happy and glowy she looks, but jeez.  So why just it doesn't cover them up a bit?  (and GAH she just pulled it up!  Nooooooo!)   (Versace)

Cate Blanchett who took the boob part of your dress out?  You look like Lady Gaga.  And I love the lilac color, and how pretty the hair is, all that...but the cut out is just dumb. (Givenchy)

Mark Ruffalo and wife: again with the one-armed thing.  I remain unconvinced.

Scarlett Johansson:  I love the bare back and the beautiful wine color. (Dolce & Gabbana)

Marisa Tomei:  oof, that's a little tight.  And you stole a Barbie dress, too!  (1950 couture Charles James from Lily et Cie)

Natalie Portman, you would look stunning in a paper bag.  Can we be friends?  (Rodarte)

Reese Witherspoon: very classy, but your hair looks like you wanted to be a four year old...(something that Giuliana just adored!) (Giorgio Armani)

Julia Ormond: another stolen Barbie dress!  This one's a little low for you, though, Julie.  You're not very, um, locked and loaded. (Anne Barge)

Sandra Bullock: epitome of classy.  And her presentation of the Best Actor award was spot on. (Vera Wang)

Kathryn Bigelow:  love the color, but it just kind of looks like a sack. (Yves St. Laurent)

Jeff Bridges and his wife:  that color is stunning!  I want to look that happy when I'm older.

Gwenyth Paltrow: she knows exactly what she can pull off.  And those kale smoothies have been working well for her, that's for sure.  This is just so fitting for her. (Calvin Klein)

Matthew McConaughey: wife Camila Alves wearing a beautiful black gown.  A little too scandalous for my tastes, but I love the line.

Halle Berry: she pulls off this color certainly better than I could, but I'm still not sold.  Very artful, though. (Marchesa)

Steven Spielberg with his daughter...dude, her shoes look like clodhoppers.  She should take a note from the poise and dressing styles of Hailee.

Rupert Murdoch and Wendi Deng...uh, don't you make a zillion dollars?  Why isn't she wearing a gown that fits?

Javier Bardem and PenĂ©lope Cruz: gosh, that color is great.  Beautiful sunburst design, too.  (L'Wren Scott)

Annette Bening and Warren Beatty: while this doesn't have the full shot, the pattern here was gorgeous (Ermenegildo Zegna).

Helen Mirren:  hot.  (Vivienne Westwood).

Nicole Kidman:  Nicole, I love you, but this dress is more runway appropriate than Oscar's night perfect - very sculptural, but it just doesn't do it for me.  Love the shoes and necklace, though. (Dior)

Celine Dion: she just had twins.  God, does this woman eat?  (Giorgio Armani Prive)

Hilary Swank:  the feathers plus ombre are a little much, but your smile makes up for it. (Gucci Premiere)

Helena Bonham Carter: you had a costumer design this, and it's just beautiful.  Yes, quirky.  But I agree that there is something to be said for promoting the movie business, and doing that with a costumer versus a famous designer is definitely a statement.

Sharon Stone: another Snookie, dear lord.  I'm also not a fan of the animal (?) on her shoulder.  (Dior)

 ...and the best for last:
Anne Hathaway's gowns, all seven of them, were just gorgeous.  I pretty much want to be her.  And the way that she whooped whenever presenters come on stage, whether Nicole Kidman or Helen Mirren or Kirk Douglas---well, she sounds so real, so uninhibited.  I'm convinced of any celebrity, we would be fast friends.  And Natalie Portman would be the cool one you would want to be like (I mean come on...she said "I don't care if getting a college degree ruins my movie career.  I'd rather be smart than famous"), Mila Kunis would be the unexpected frank intelligence, Maggie Gyllenhaal would be the cerebral slightly spacey one, Rachel McAdams would be the romantic one always believing in people, and Emma Watson would be the stylish Brit with a rapier wit to match.  Just let me know the date, ladies.  I'll have the wine ready.

Anyway--her other gowns of the night:


Vivienne Westwood

 Oscar de la Renta

Atelier Versace

Giorgio Armani Privé (plus Tiffany jewelry, I'm jealous)

Tom Ford

Sigh.  These gowns are just lovely.